I read "The Purpose Driven Life" and it validated other teachings I had heard from the time I began attending church, that all the trauma I had endured would ultimately lead to my one purpose or "calling." I was convinced enough to start college at fifty-one. I needed a masters degree so this was for the long haul. I believed God wanted me to become a psychotherapist. After earning my BA, it was found I had an "inoperable brain tumor" and I was given a year to live. I was so convinced this was a mistake (obviously...why would God call me to become a psychotherapist and have His plan thwarted like that?). So I got a second opinion and flew to LA for a risky brain surgery. It left me unable to walk or see for three years and I became completely deaf on one side. While I lay in bed recovering, I began a three year masters program. Eventually I had to get out of bed to do practicums, internships, out of state residencies (where I stayed exhausted and used a power chair to get around) but by golly I was going to fulfill my purpose! I worked for two years at a child and teen mental health facility in order to get licensed and then opened a private practice. I was still exhausted all the time but I admit it was fulfilling. I felt needed. I'm still glad I did it. But then, three years later the tumor grew back (it's very close to the brain stem) and I had the surgery all over again. I had a major stroke during that one. Still, asap I went back to working. Then it came back again, and I had radiation last fall. I'm tired. It took three years to reconcile the fact that this was about my driven nature and not something God was requiring of me after all. I've made peace with all of it, but I think completely differently about a specific "calling" or "purpose," and am loving being an artist in the mountains of Montana and sitting on my porch soaking in the nature around me.
Linda—what a story. My whole chest ached reading it. You did so many hard, beautiful things, and then (somehow!) let yourself keep becoming. Thank you for sharing this with us. May your mountain porch hold you so gently.
We (all of us) never really understand our own inner strength until we are forced to dig deep for it. Regardless of the outcome we discover ourselves in the most compassionate and loving ways; self worth. ♥️🙏
I’m resonating with this on several levels, the top currently being that I’m 4 weeks past active treatment for bilateral breast cancer. The number of people (in person & on Instagram) who seem to feel cancer will change my life and reveal my purpose seem not to know how I’ve pretty comfortably lived many purposes in my life prior to cancer. And now I’m sitting in “what the heck just happened to me?”, not knowing how to enjoy work that filled me before and not having a clue how to move forward. So I’m streaming too many British mysteries, walking my dog, & sleeping too much while I add little things to my daily gratitude list, try to do one or 2 things that feel like they’re caring for myself/my home/others, and really trying to extend a whole lot of GRACE to myself while I just BE and let that be enough for today…
Yes to naps and British mysteries and gratitude lists and whole afternoons of just being. You’re doing the brave work of recovery! That is more than enough for today.
I’ve been trying to “find my new purpose” since I retired from teaching in 2020. It finally occurred to me a few months ago that my purpose is to help people when I can. And it changes daily. Some days, the only one I have the capacity to help is myself. And that’s okay.
So, true. Once upon a time I was an academic. I loved my subject area (European history, especially the Reformation); I loved my students; but I discovered that I did not love academia. I somehow found the courage to quit. The lasting legacy, however, was to have the first statement of the Westminster Catechism embedded in my brain and, eventually, my heart. “What is the chief end of man? To glorify God and enjoy Him forever.” That is where I have found my Purpose. It has little to do with what I do, and everything to do with seeing and giving thanks for the miracles that make up existence.
Oh, thank you for this timely piece. I have always felt a bit ... less-than because I have no grand purpose and not much interest in finding one. I worked in a job I enjoyed and was good at to support myself and my family and pay for doing something on weekends that absolutely thrilled me--and that was absolutely enough. I am now retired and unable to paddle through rapids any more because of mobility issues. It was lovely while it lasted, a real gift. Today there are other gifts, but much quieter ones. But what prompted me to write was that I've been thinking of you all week as the "everything happens" crowd tries to manage their grief and fears over some truly tragic events and it has just been driving me round the bend. Yes, there ARE reasons why storms intensify and rivers flood, and why adequate warning systems were not in place, but as for some grand plan we just don't understand, much less any possibility that the reason children died will someday be made known to us? Just typing that out I feel like Munch's Scream.
I, too, have been heart-sick over the deaths of so many people, so many children, in the recent floods. And I believe that there is a “reason”: human beings don’t know everything and even when we do know some things we are inclined to ignore them if it is easier to do that than to do something about them. For much of my life I believed in reason and education and progress, which is largely responsible for our insistence that we can explain everything, if not by our reasoning then by God’s. As I creep into old age, the language of “sin” resonates more fully with me, not in the sense of evil intentions, but of “incompleteness.” To give up the pursuit of “reason” and “purpose” we have to acknowledge that we just don’t know everything.
I am pretty sure I felt mounds of tension leave my body when I read this - what RELIEF. Thank you for putting this into words.
I retired 3.5 years ago from the business that my husband and I started 35 years ago. We were kids. I worked in the business because that’s what you did in the 90’s - worked and got paid. Fast forward to 2021 when I was given a stage 4 lung cancer diagnosis - I retired from our business (voluntarily, I could go back, I just don’t want to) and am feeling the pressure to get the most meaning out of each day. I’m exhausted. I am so excited to start exploring my For No Reason Season, thank you!! 🙏
As a senior adult who retired five years ago, finding purpose is on my mind pretty much every day. There seem to be multiple options (including watching Netflix for multiple hours each day or reading about sports or our political situation in the U.S.) though many of these options do not lead me to a more settled, contented (let alone, my best) life. Thanks for the many resources to help me regroup...
I am 71, raised 4 kids, homeschooled them till high school. Now have 11 grandchildren! Years ago when I read the Purpose Driven Life, I felt like a failure. No lofty purpose in my life , just raising kids and taking care of a house. When they were all finally in school, I worked in a sandwich shop, then in an office and took care of one of my Grandchildren for a time. Tried a sewing business, but that turned my creative outlet into “must dos”. Now my husband is retired and we are taking care of our little piece of Eden, camping and reading on the porch. Some had encouraged us to find our “retirement purpose “… we did! But most likely not what they thought!!
I listened to your conversation on Spotify twice last week and may listen again. It strikes me deeply. I retired a couple years ago after 42 years as a chemical engineer at one company. It certainly provided for my family well and has us in a good place for retirement. But it was work and not a calling for me. And yes I struggled at least the last 20 years with whether that was enough.
I'm still on a journey find the 'enough' in what I do. Your book "Everything Happens" has been very helpful on the journey and led me to these emails and your Podcasts.
This is a well thought out reflection on the lives we live and the striving in all things for purpose. I am reminded of words reportedly spoken by Paul Tillich shortly before his death. When asked how he was doing he replied "I am content simply to be". While this could have all kinds of existential meaning, it is also an affirmation that life is not always about doing, but also about simply being. Thank you!
The wonderful Andrea Gibson died this morning and in the comments on their death, their partner Meg said some of their last words were “I fucking loved my life”, and isn’t being able to say that at the end purpose enough? Similar to what Liz has said about leaving life like you’re leaving a wonderful picnic - “I had a great time, now it’s time to go” (words I want on my memorial bench please and thank you). 😊
I left my job and “retired” last year and wow do people need to know my PLAN and what I will DO and my NEXT ACT. This essay is so helpful in framing this for me. I had a purpose and career for 30 years that never felt completely fulfilling. And now I have so many choices. Why can’t the moments be the purpose?! I have friends, a garden, a family and an active church life. Thank you, so much to follow up on here. 😊
A few weeks ago I had scribbled down a quote from a podcast I was listening to, intending to add it to my "phone notes" so I could revisit it as needed. ("The meaning of life is to figure out how to use our gifts to serve the world.") When I finally went to do so yesterday, I was taken aback to find that the quote didn't feel inspirational to me, but instead flat, off-putting, even disheartening. Kate, thank you so much for giving voice and validation to my feelings and for shining your light into all the dusty, shadowy corners of "meaning making".
I completely resonate with this. I recently left clinical medicine after 20 years that were very fulfilling and purpose driven, and also soul crushing, heart breaking and just exhausting. While it was never my plan to leave medicine this early, it was the right decision for me and now I’m struggling with the what next/ what now questions. For so long, my identity and worth were wrapped up in what I did at my job and I would like to answer those questions now with “I’m just trying to figure out what I like to do!” Wish that came with a paycheck though 😉
The comments reveal that many of us have been trying to find our purpose post-retirement (or we’re just the ones who have time to read and respond midday 🙂). It’s a sticky situation because even the “how to live to 100” documentaries tell us we need to have a sense of purpose. So when your sense of purpose has been tied to your vocation (teaching, counseling, etc.) where do we go from here?
I read "The Purpose Driven Life" and it validated other teachings I had heard from the time I began attending church, that all the trauma I had endured would ultimately lead to my one purpose or "calling." I was convinced enough to start college at fifty-one. I needed a masters degree so this was for the long haul. I believed God wanted me to become a psychotherapist. After earning my BA, it was found I had an "inoperable brain tumor" and I was given a year to live. I was so convinced this was a mistake (obviously...why would God call me to become a psychotherapist and have His plan thwarted like that?). So I got a second opinion and flew to LA for a risky brain surgery. It left me unable to walk or see for three years and I became completely deaf on one side. While I lay in bed recovering, I began a three year masters program. Eventually I had to get out of bed to do practicums, internships, out of state residencies (where I stayed exhausted and used a power chair to get around) but by golly I was going to fulfill my purpose! I worked for two years at a child and teen mental health facility in order to get licensed and then opened a private practice. I was still exhausted all the time but I admit it was fulfilling. I felt needed. I'm still glad I did it. But then, three years later the tumor grew back (it's very close to the brain stem) and I had the surgery all over again. I had a major stroke during that one. Still, asap I went back to working. Then it came back again, and I had radiation last fall. I'm tired. It took three years to reconcile the fact that this was about my driven nature and not something God was requiring of me after all. I've made peace with all of it, but I think completely differently about a specific "calling" or "purpose," and am loving being an artist in the mountains of Montana and sitting on my porch soaking in the nature around me.
Linda—what a story. My whole chest ached reading it. You did so many hard, beautiful things, and then (somehow!) let yourself keep becoming. Thank you for sharing this with us. May your mountain porch hold you so gently.
We (all of us) never really understand our own inner strength until we are forced to dig deep for it. Regardless of the outcome we discover ourselves in the most compassionate and loving ways; self worth. ♥️🙏
I’m resonating with this on several levels, the top currently being that I’m 4 weeks past active treatment for bilateral breast cancer. The number of people (in person & on Instagram) who seem to feel cancer will change my life and reveal my purpose seem not to know how I’ve pretty comfortably lived many purposes in my life prior to cancer. And now I’m sitting in “what the heck just happened to me?”, not knowing how to enjoy work that filled me before and not having a clue how to move forward. So I’m streaming too many British mysteries, walking my dog, & sleeping too much while I add little things to my daily gratitude list, try to do one or 2 things that feel like they’re caring for myself/my home/others, and really trying to extend a whole lot of GRACE to myself while I just BE and let that be enough for today…
Yes to naps and British mysteries and gratitude lists and whole afternoons of just being. You’re doing the brave work of recovery! That is more than enough for today.
I’ve been trying to “find my new purpose” since I retired from teaching in 2020. It finally occurred to me a few months ago that my purpose is to help people when I can. And it changes daily. Some days, the only one I have the capacity to help is myself. And that’s okay.
Timely- thank u for your sharing.
I retired June 2024.
Rushed into church ministry and resigned from that by Thanksgiving 2024. “Not a good fit”
Grateful for those who understand one should not rush into anything after retiring from career where I had burnt out.
Going back to teach 3 days a week.., time will tell if this works out.
Now that I’ve tasted the sweet nectar of retirement it’s going to be an interesting journey to work part time.
One sweet day at a time.
🙏🙏🙏
Excellent! That’s the perfect way to see it 🩷
So, true. Once upon a time I was an academic. I loved my subject area (European history, especially the Reformation); I loved my students; but I discovered that I did not love academia. I somehow found the courage to quit. The lasting legacy, however, was to have the first statement of the Westminster Catechism embedded in my brain and, eventually, my heart. “What is the chief end of man? To glorify God and enjoy Him forever.” That is where I have found my Purpose. It has little to do with what I do, and everything to do with seeing and giving thanks for the miracles that make up existence.
Thank u for sharing this. My heart needs to hear it.
Oh, thank you for this timely piece. I have always felt a bit ... less-than because I have no grand purpose and not much interest in finding one. I worked in a job I enjoyed and was good at to support myself and my family and pay for doing something on weekends that absolutely thrilled me--and that was absolutely enough. I am now retired and unable to paddle through rapids any more because of mobility issues. It was lovely while it lasted, a real gift. Today there are other gifts, but much quieter ones. But what prompted me to write was that I've been thinking of you all week as the "everything happens" crowd tries to manage their grief and fears over some truly tragic events and it has just been driving me round the bend. Yes, there ARE reasons why storms intensify and rivers flood, and why adequate warning systems were not in place, but as for some grand plan we just don't understand, much less any possibility that the reason children died will someday be made known to us? Just typing that out I feel like Munch's Scream.
I, too, have been heart-sick over the deaths of so many people, so many children, in the recent floods. And I believe that there is a “reason”: human beings don’t know everything and even when we do know some things we are inclined to ignore them if it is easier to do that than to do something about them. For much of my life I believed in reason and education and progress, which is largely responsible for our insistence that we can explain everything, if not by our reasoning then by God’s. As I creep into old age, the language of “sin” resonates more fully with me, not in the sense of evil intentions, but of “incompleteness.” To give up the pursuit of “reason” and “purpose” we have to acknowledge that we just don’t know everything.
Thank you! This resonated with me. I am tired of feeling like everything has to be optimized & that nothing is ever enough.
Amen
I am pretty sure I felt mounds of tension leave my body when I read this - what RELIEF. Thank you for putting this into words.
I retired 3.5 years ago from the business that my husband and I started 35 years ago. We were kids. I worked in the business because that’s what you did in the 90’s - worked and got paid. Fast forward to 2021 when I was given a stage 4 lung cancer diagnosis - I retired from our business (voluntarily, I could go back, I just don’t want to) and am feeling the pressure to get the most meaning out of each day. I’m exhausted. I am so excited to start exploring my For No Reason Season, thank you!! 🙏
YES. Cheering you on from here. May your days be gloriously unproductive and full of strange joy.
As a senior adult who retired five years ago, finding purpose is on my mind pretty much every day. There seem to be multiple options (including watching Netflix for multiple hours each day or reading about sports or our political situation in the U.S.) though many of these options do not lead me to a more settled, contented (let alone, my best) life. Thanks for the many resources to help me regroup...
I am 71, raised 4 kids, homeschooled them till high school. Now have 11 grandchildren! Years ago when I read the Purpose Driven Life, I felt like a failure. No lofty purpose in my life , just raising kids and taking care of a house. When they were all finally in school, I worked in a sandwich shop, then in an office and took care of one of my Grandchildren for a time. Tried a sewing business, but that turned my creative outlet into “must dos”. Now my husband is retired and we are taking care of our little piece of Eden, camping and reading on the porch. Some had encouraged us to find our “retirement purpose “… we did! But most likely not what they thought!!
Thank you Kate for this article!!
I listened to your conversation on Spotify twice last week and may listen again. It strikes me deeply. I retired a couple years ago after 42 years as a chemical engineer at one company. It certainly provided for my family well and has us in a good place for retirement. But it was work and not a calling for me. And yes I struggled at least the last 20 years with whether that was enough.
I'm still on a journey find the 'enough' in what I do. Your book "Everything Happens" has been very helpful on the journey and led me to these emails and your Podcasts.
Thank you.
This is a well thought out reflection on the lives we live and the striving in all things for purpose. I am reminded of words reportedly spoken by Paul Tillich shortly before his death. When asked how he was doing he replied "I am content simply to be". While this could have all kinds of existential meaning, it is also an affirmation that life is not always about doing, but also about simply being. Thank you!
Yes yes yes
The wonderful Andrea Gibson died this morning and in the comments on their death, their partner Meg said some of their last words were “I fucking loved my life”, and isn’t being able to say that at the end purpose enough? Similar to what Liz has said about leaving life like you’re leaving a wonderful picnic - “I had a great time, now it’s time to go” (words I want on my memorial bench please and thank you). 😊
I left my job and “retired” last year and wow do people need to know my PLAN and what I will DO and my NEXT ACT. This essay is so helpful in framing this for me. I had a purpose and career for 30 years that never felt completely fulfilling. And now I have so many choices. Why can’t the moments be the purpose?! I have friends, a garden, a family and an active church life. Thank you, so much to follow up on here. 😊
A few weeks ago I had scribbled down a quote from a podcast I was listening to, intending to add it to my "phone notes" so I could revisit it as needed. ("The meaning of life is to figure out how to use our gifts to serve the world.") When I finally went to do so yesterday, I was taken aback to find that the quote didn't feel inspirational to me, but instead flat, off-putting, even disheartening. Kate, thank you so much for giving voice and validation to my feelings and for shining your light into all the dusty, shadowy corners of "meaning making".
When I retired from my work as a physician EVERYONE who talked to me said… So what are you doing now?
My reply- often shaky but now quite strong is
I’m practising being as a new way of doing.
I completely resonate with this. I recently left clinical medicine after 20 years that were very fulfilling and purpose driven, and also soul crushing, heart breaking and just exhausting. While it was never my plan to leave medicine this early, it was the right decision for me and now I’m struggling with the what next/ what now questions. For so long, my identity and worth were wrapped up in what I did at my job and I would like to answer those questions now with “I’m just trying to figure out what I like to do!” Wish that came with a paycheck though 😉
The comments reveal that many of us have been trying to find our purpose post-retirement (or we’re just the ones who have time to read and respond midday 🙂). It’s a sticky situation because even the “how to live to 100” documentaries tell us we need to have a sense of purpose. So when your sense of purpose has been tied to your vocation (teaching, counseling, etc.) where do we go from here?