I am on the Alzheimer journey with my husband. I am trying hard, failing often into resentment, anger, and sadness, and needed your reminder. Prudence…I love that description. I keep saying “I’ll do better”, try to give myself grace, but I think I need a reasonable thing, not a generalized “I’ll do better”. That is what I’m going to think about today. Thank you 🙏
Kathryn, you’re walking the hardest road. And you are carrying more love than most can fathom. May prudence be your gentle companion. Cheering for you.
Me too, Kathryn. I'm having all the feels and have gotten into a support group because I've been a care giver all my life but never good at receiving care or giving myself care. Life is different every day with the big "A". I have often thought I'm living in a "throuple" and it's like "50 First Dates". I am taking small steps to practice self care and discover all the feels small steps... Feel free to reach out if you want to.
My one reasonable thing is to be gentler with my family by guarding my thoughts: when a negative thought pops up ("oh no not this thing again"), I will replace it with a gentle thought.
My one reasonable thing is to pause each day to take in, hold, and let out deep breaths. I’m facing a huge spine surgery next month that may well leave me paralyzed, hopefully temporarily. So I chose something I can do in whatever condition I find myself after surgery. I plan for those breaths to become prayers.
My One Reasonable Thing is to build a 1500 hp, 350 mph wooden aeroplane in my house, notwithstanding terminal cancer and a shortage of funds. And, of course, to fly it.
Prudent? Yes, because when all hope is gone you have to lean into the dream, because the dream is what makes hope real, and hope can make a miracle real.
Besides, it's fun to say, "Oh, you got a new kitchen island? So did I!" It's an Allison V-1710 with a couple of boards laid over the top, that my wife will help me overhaul...yeah, in the kitchen. It weighs 1500 pounds and is 8ft or so long (including the stand), and has plenty of nooks and crannies into which one can insert utensils. Oil drips are an issue, yeah, but that's what newspapers are for.
So maybe prudence can be the decision to be completely unreasonable, and to pull others along for the Mr. Toad Ride Of Their Life.
I would add this, in the name of Prudence: "Una salus victis: nullam sperare salutem."
The one hope of the doomed is not to hope for safety.
It will go into a wooden replica of a Spitfire, designed by my friend Russ Harmuth. The design work is solid (I have a doctorate in structural engineering), and I have a lot of relevant experience. And we do know about the Allison's cylinder liner ovalization issues...we have been in touch with Joe Yancey.
Brilliant. But I seriously doubt such a beautiful creation would be able to achieve flight. Without a massive metal engine mount, metal through spars and additional reinforcing for the Spitfire’s cantilever wings and retractable gear the aerodynamic forces on the wooden airframe would cause sudden catastrophic failure.
But I would love to see your historic engine. And your wife is a sweetheart if she doesn’t mind that it is supporting your kitchen table.
You may be right. But the Napier-Heston racer flew with a more powerful and heavier engine, with an all-wood airframe. And there is the de Havilland Mosquito.
My one reasonable thing is to expand the experiment I started on myself this year: make a small connection with someone you don't know well. Leave them with some sort of kindness, whatever that looks like. Sometimes it's listening and not saying a word, sometimes opening a door and smiling, but recently it's been opening a new window around grumpiness. There's so much to be grumpy about and I resist the stereotype of old grumpy people. But I'm afraid some of the truth reflects the stereotype, I see why it developed in the first place. So, when there is someone who engages me and there is grumpiness underneath, I am trying to see what lies behind: fear, loneliness, nostalgia for a saner time, anger at injustice, you name it. Then I really listen and try to find a small thing to do for them, the smaller the better, so they don't even realize someone is out to ease their hearts. Years ago I adopted encouragement as my Lenten Practice, courtesy of a suggestion by Br. Curtis Almquist at SSJE. It was so helpful in transforming me that it's become a pattern of life, a part of my nature. So maybe I should have begun this entry by saying my one reasonable thing is to encourage one person a day. Encourage them not to do something I think is important, or what I think they ought to do, but to find out, quickly by opening my eyes and heart, how it is they need to be encouraged and leave them wondering what just happened!
Oh, but Kate, you have always had the power to make your own version (stealing from Glinda in the Wizard of Oz). But if you want to experience mine, I'm right on the Mississippi in Minneapolis trying to live in a beloved community. Come for coffee any time.
I made my one small thing the "one sentence" journal years ago - I'm now on year 10. 10. I can hardly believe it. It's such a treasured part of my day now and I delight in looking back and seeing what happened on that same day a few years ago. It was such a relief to let go of the pressure of writing in a journal and to just make a note each day (I do a lot of writing in my profession and I'm a lot of a perfectionist so this was a good compromise). Good luck to you in your "one thing"
I want to build more movement into my day. Life has been very hard lately and my care of self has taken a hit, so this feels important. I'm going to start with walking - at least 15 minutes a day. Just a short walk.
My one reasonable thing is to be gentler with myself. I’m 80. It’s time to plan less ,and find one thing every day that brings me joy. The time is now.
My big thing is what do I have the energy for? Health issues continue to get in my way of doing all the things I feel I need to do. And I need to step back.
Every time I read your stories I laugh, cry and feel good. Every word resonates. I am a very positive, caring person and try all the virtues every day. Prudence with reason is great. On my own for almost three years and my true personality is coming back strong. I love it! And your stories too😊
My one reasonable thing is to stop at least once a day (and probably only once honestly), look at the sky and breathe deeply remembering that I am alive.
I have reminders in my calendar to mail people notes a week before birthdays, starting school, anniversaries, or other milestones. I may not always get the mail out to them, but it keeps me mindful that other people are living their lives too, and to check in and connect with them through a note, phone call, or text!!!
Ahh. Just ONE reasonable thing? Each day I list 500 critically important things on my to do list in my totally a mess planner. AND I NEVER EVER DO THEM ALL. Maybe maybe maybe I get one or two scratched off but like hydra headed weeds 12 more appear in their place on the next day. And as for trying to change myself, fix myself — seems an impossible task. I was cleaning out my parents stuff and discovered my 60 year old evaluation/report card from nursery school and honestly it described my faults and good qualities to a tee. It could just as well have been written yesterday. (Or more dreadfully tomorrow). All the flailing around, the life long attempts to change myself, prune myself into a better version a different version have amounted to nothing but exhaustion. So. I think my one reasonable thing might be to sleep a little later tomorrow. ❤️
This def hits Barbara. I’m sure my grade school reports echo the same! You are not alone. If only this stage of life allowed me to actually just sleep. I started smaller this year with identifying a daily OGT - one good thing - that happened. It was hard some days and often came down to the simplest things like actually hearing a bird sing over the chaos of noise in my head. Like everything I tend to start well…it too fell off over time. Perhaps that is what I will reasonable start doing again. ❤️
I am on the Alzheimer journey with my husband. I am trying hard, failing often into resentment, anger, and sadness, and needed your reminder. Prudence…I love that description. I keep saying “I’ll do better”, try to give myself grace, but I think I need a reasonable thing, not a generalized “I’ll do better”. That is what I’m going to think about today. Thank you 🙏
Kathryn, you’re walking the hardest road. And you are carrying more love than most can fathom. May prudence be your gentle companion. Cheering for you.
Thank you, Kate. I turn to your book “Have. a Beautiful, Terrible Day!” often 🙏
Wishing you patience AND prudence, Kathryn, with permission to scream into the void when necessary.
Thank you 🙏. “Screaming into the void” is also a good reminder!🫂
Me too, Kathryn. I'm having all the feels and have gotten into a support group because I've been a care giver all my life but never good at receiving care or giving myself care. Life is different every day with the big "A". I have often thought I'm living in a "throuple" and it's like "50 First Dates". I am taking small steps to practice self care and discover all the feels small steps... Feel free to reach out if you want to.
Thank you so much, Deb…reaching out seems like a very good idea 🫂
My one reasonable thing is to be gentler with my family by guarding my thoughts: when a negative thought pops up ("oh no not this thing again"), I will replace it with a gentle thought.
Oof, that’s holy work right there. Catching the snarky thought mid-air and choosing gentleness instead? That’s gorgeous.
Prudence will be there to help me. Thanks for the inspo, KB!
My one reasonable thing is to pause each day to take in, hold, and let out deep breaths. I’m facing a huge spine surgery next month that may well leave me paralyzed, hopefully temporarily. So I chose something I can do in whatever condition I find myself after surgery. I plan for those breaths to become prayers.
What a holy practice. Breathing as prayer. Holding our breath with you, hoping, praying, standing in faith beside you. 🩷
Choose something I CAN do is my reasonable thing. As a disabled ish person that keeps me feeling positive most days
My One Reasonable Thing is to build a 1500 hp, 350 mph wooden aeroplane in my house, notwithstanding terminal cancer and a shortage of funds. And, of course, to fly it.
Prudent? Yes, because when all hope is gone you have to lean into the dream, because the dream is what makes hope real, and hope can make a miracle real.
Besides, it's fun to say, "Oh, you got a new kitchen island? So did I!" It's an Allison V-1710 with a couple of boards laid over the top, that my wife will help me overhaul...yeah, in the kitchen. It weighs 1500 pounds and is 8ft or so long (including the stand), and has plenty of nooks and crannies into which one can insert utensils. Oil drips are an issue, yeah, but that's what newspapers are for.
So maybe prudence can be the decision to be completely unreasonable, and to pull others along for the Mr. Toad Ride Of Their Life.
I would add this, in the name of Prudence: "Una salus victis: nullam sperare salutem."
The one hope of the doomed is not to hope for safety.
Rock on.
And what I gently ask will you do with your overhauled former beating heart of a mighty WWII P-38 Lightning or P-51 Mustang?
It will go into a wooden replica of a Spitfire, designed by my friend Russ Harmuth. The design work is solid (I have a doctorate in structural engineering), and I have a lot of relevant experience. And we do know about the Allison's cylinder liner ovalization issues...we have been in touch with Joe Yancey.
Brilliant. But I seriously doubt such a beautiful creation would be able to achieve flight. Without a massive metal engine mount, metal through spars and additional reinforcing for the Spitfire’s cantilever wings and retractable gear the aerodynamic forces on the wooden airframe would cause sudden catastrophic failure.
But I would love to see your historic engine. And your wife is a sweetheart if she doesn’t mind that it is supporting your kitchen table.
You may be right. But the Napier-Heston racer flew with a more powerful and heavier engine, with an all-wood airframe. And there is the de Havilland Mosquito.
God willing, we'll see!
Please keep me in the loop. I would love to see you succeed!
Rose, you can find me on FB, with the first part of my hyphenated last name. I'll have progress reports there, from time to time.
Success would be wonderful, but just living a dream...who could ask more of life, and of God?
My one reasonable thing is to expand the experiment I started on myself this year: make a small connection with someone you don't know well. Leave them with some sort of kindness, whatever that looks like. Sometimes it's listening and not saying a word, sometimes opening a door and smiling, but recently it's been opening a new window around grumpiness. There's so much to be grumpy about and I resist the stereotype of old grumpy people. But I'm afraid some of the truth reflects the stereotype, I see why it developed in the first place. So, when there is someone who engages me and there is grumpiness underneath, I am trying to see what lies behind: fear, loneliness, nostalgia for a saner time, anger at injustice, you name it. Then I really listen and try to find a small thing to do for them, the smaller the better, so they don't even realize someone is out to ease their hearts. Years ago I adopted encouragement as my Lenten Practice, courtesy of a suggestion by Br. Curtis Almquist at SSJE. It was so helpful in transforming me that it's become a pattern of life, a part of my nature. So maybe I should have begun this entry by saying my one reasonable thing is to encourage one person a day. Encourage them not to do something I think is important, or what I think they ought to do, but to find out, quickly by opening my eyes and heart, how it is they need to be encouraged and leave them wondering what just happened!
Oh yes, I want to live in your version of the world. Quiet encouragement, tiny kindnesses. Count me in.
Oh, but Kate, you have always had the power to make your own version (stealing from Glinda in the Wizard of Oz). But if you want to experience mine, I'm right on the Mississippi in Minneapolis trying to live in a beloved community. Come for coffee any time.
Love this Mary! Think I’ll wear your bracelet
I made my one small thing the "one sentence" journal years ago - I'm now on year 10. 10. I can hardly believe it. It's such a treasured part of my day now and I delight in looking back and seeing what happened on that same day a few years ago. It was such a relief to let go of the pressure of writing in a journal and to just make a note each day (I do a lot of writing in my profession and I'm a lot of a perfectionist so this was a good compromise). Good luck to you in your "one thing"
I want to build more movement into my day. Life has been very hard lately and my care of self has taken a hit, so this feels important. I'm going to start with walking - at least 15 minutes a day. Just a short walk.
TEN YEARS?! That’s a miracle in a tiny book. I love that your “reasonable thing” turned into a whole rhythm of grace.
Give my husband a hug after he or I return home from work.
Drinking my coffee on the porch each morning.
My one reasonable thing is to be gentler with myself. I’m 80. It’s time to plan less ,and find one thing every day that brings me joy. The time is now.
With a name like that, surely you will. Doesn't "Sheila" mean "musical" too?
Thanks 💕
My big thing is what do I have the energy for? Health issues continue to get in my way of doing all the things I feel I need to do. And I need to step back.
Every time I read your stories I laugh, cry and feel good. Every word resonates. I am a very positive, caring person and try all the virtues every day. Prudence with reason is great. On my own for almost three years and my true personality is coming back strong. I love it! And your stories too😊
My one reasonable thing I hope to do is keep my opinions to myself. Although myself means I can say them quietly to me!
I saw a quote on my friend's wall, "Not everything in life needs your comment." I felt so stymied—how could I let her know I'd noticed it?!
Good point!!
My one reasonable thing is to stop at least once a day (and probably only once honestly), look at the sky and breathe deeply remembering that I am alive.
Look up. Breathe deep. Feel alive. Honestly, that’s the whole sermon. Beautifully said.
I have reminders in my calendar to mail people notes a week before birthdays, starting school, anniversaries, or other milestones. I may not always get the mail out to them, but it keeps me mindful that other people are living their lives too, and to check in and connect with them through a note, phone call, or text!!!
Ahh. Just ONE reasonable thing? Each day I list 500 critically important things on my to do list in my totally a mess planner. AND I NEVER EVER DO THEM ALL. Maybe maybe maybe I get one or two scratched off but like hydra headed weeds 12 more appear in their place on the next day. And as for trying to change myself, fix myself — seems an impossible task. I was cleaning out my parents stuff and discovered my 60 year old evaluation/report card from nursery school and honestly it described my faults and good qualities to a tee. It could just as well have been written yesterday. (Or more dreadfully tomorrow). All the flailing around, the life long attempts to change myself, prune myself into a better version a different version have amounted to nothing but exhaustion. So. I think my one reasonable thing might be to sleep a little later tomorrow. ❤️
500 to-dos and a nursery school report card that still tracks? Barbara, you are my people. Sleep in tomorrow, the planner can wait.
This def hits Barbara. I’m sure my grade school reports echo the same! You are not alone. If only this stage of life allowed me to actually just sleep. I started smaller this year with identifying a daily OGT - one good thing - that happened. It was hard some days and often came down to the simplest things like actually hearing a bird sing over the chaos of noise in my head. Like everything I tend to start well…it too fell off over time. Perhaps that is what I will reasonable start doing again. ❤️
one reasonable thing is to listen to birds every morning...which means going outside every morning. i think it will be a hope builder.
That is big!!!