Happiness is a mood.
It is a real one. A valid one. A delightful one. I wish you many, many experiences of happiness. But it is still a mood.
Happiness is what happens when your coffee is still hot when you remember where you set it down (and why is it always on some random shelf you never use?!). When the meeting gets canceled and no one reschedules it “just to check in.” When your photos actually do sync to the cloud and you didn’t have to go through a seven step password recovery process.
Joy is… not that.
To help clarify, I’ve prepared a very scientific* quiz. (*Not actually scientific, do not come after me, IRB).
Are You Experiencing Happiness or Joy?
Your happiness disappears when:
A) Your blood sugar drops
B) Your phone dies
C) Someone ruins the vibe
D) All of the above
Your joy disappears when:
A) The story doesn’t resolve
B) Someone is still sick
C) You feel sad and grateful at the same time
D) Trick question—joy coexists with all kinds of circumstances.
Happiness prefers:
A) Good news
B) Clear outcomes
C) Positive energy only
D) A decent night’s sleep
Joy prefers:
A) Honesty
B) Companionship
C) Surprise
D) All of the above
If you recognized yourself anywhere in these answers, congratulations—you are human.
Happiness is responsive. It reacts to circumstances. It rises and falls based on comfort, success, relief, and momentum. And again: this is not bad.
Joy is something different, though. Something sturdier. Joy does not require things to be better. Joy surprises us, accompanies us, carries us, and sustains us through all of life’s highs and lows.
Because you can’t always be happy, but you can be joyful, anyway.
And if today’s topic resonates, then you’re going to love my new book. Joyful, Anyway comes out on April 7. You can order a copy whenever books are available. There are a handful of seats available at the Joyful, Anyway Book Tour or you can join us for the Virtual Event. I’d love for you to join me.
When was the last time you felt joy bubble up? That sustaining, sometimes nonsensical feeling that didn’t require things to improve. I’d love to hear about it.
For the last ten years or so, i have been adding two candy bars to my groceries. When the cashier rings them up, I ask them not to bag them. When my transaction is complete, I give one bar to the cashier and the other to the person who bags my groceries. The reactions are usually of surprise and gratitude. But the feeling I receive is joy. More recently, an elderly friend of mine has been placed in a nursing home. I visit her weekly. I like to bring her flowers or chocolate. Now, I bring an additional bag of Lindt chocolates and pass them out to the residents and staff that I encounter in the hallway, foyer and common area. Their response again is so sweet. Again, the joy I receive is double fold. A simple chocolate.
I visited Arizona recently in the middle of a Midwest winter and when I made it to the top of our first hike of the trip I looked around me and was overcome with joy to the point of tears. I felt immense gratitude to just be alive and experiencing the gift of living in that moment.